The Weirdest Monkees Gig Ever
by flowerchild1987
Summary: The Monkees are asked to play for a very strange family by a very strange, well-known shock rocker. Written for my best friend. Don't own anyone in this story.


"Okay... uh, well thanks a lot... bye." Mike Nesmith hung up the phone and gave it a very puzzled look, then shrugged and looked to his band mates and other friends.

"Well, it looks like we have a gig comin' up."

Peter Tork raised an eyebrow, "But we haven't auditioned for anyone lately!"

Mike nodded, "I know, that's what's got me so confused."

"Maybe it was by referal? Or they've seen you play?" Amy, the residential 'groupie' with springy red/blonde curls and large green eyes suggested with a slight inclination.

"Referal? This isn't a club, babe, we're just a garage band," Micky Dolenz chuckled and wrapped an arm around her.

"Well either way it sounds kinda weird... I mean... but we're gettin' paid $1,000 for the entire thing. It's a private party for someone named Gomez and Morticia..." Mike shuddered.

"What's so weird about that? Sound like perfectly nice people to me," Kitty, Amy's best friend and slightly darker counterpart to the counterculture said matter-of-factly as she brushed her dark bangs from her amber eyes.

"That ain't what got me so much - the person who booked it was a guy who called himself a woman's name," Mike scratched his head. "Somethin' like uh, Abby Looper or somethin'..."

Davy Jones' eyes went wide, "Say Mike, y'don't suppose we're playin' for drag queens or somethin'?"

The room went silent, then Kitty spoke up, "This is gonna be one of ya'll's best gigs yet!"

The night was beautiful and clear when The Monkees plus two rode out to the address given to them by Abby Looper ( "...or whatever hi- uh, her, oh hell, their title is," as Mike put it).

"Why are ya'll comin' again?" Mike asked from behind the steering wheel.

"Well gee, love you too, Papa Nez," Kitty made a face at Mike's back that he caught in the rearview mirror and rolled his eyes good naturedly.

"You didn't want us to come?" Amy's eyes looked like they were welling with tears. One thing you didn't do was make Amy cry - either Kitty or one of the Monkees would kill you.

"I didn't mean it like that, I meant - aw, dang, don't cry! I'm too young to die!"

Kitty already had Micky ready as the backup driver as she began slowly flexing her fingers in a choking motion behind Mike's neck.

Amy brightened, "Aww, it's okay, Mike!"

"Damn," Kitty muttered and dropped back into her seat.

However, as they got closer to the address in question, the sky began to mysteriously darken and from out of nowhere creepy organ music began playing softly.

"I don't like where this is going..." Peter dead-panned.

"I don't like where it's been!" Davy was already in Peter's lap looking around nervously, slightly upsetting Amy who had already been there and claimed it for the drive.

"Oh well, Micky it is," Amy sidled into Micky's lap and sat happily. Peter seemed slightly dejected but didn't have the heart or nerve to move Davy. He might have been short but damn was he vicious...

Micky gave Peter a shit-eating grin and made Peter feel even worse; this didn't last long, however, as suddenly it began storming and raining hard.

"Aww, what the hell? Kitty, can you roll up the top?" Mike asked, trying to see through the heavy rain and through it getting in his eyes.

Kitty hopped up front and cranked the top with all of her might until the entire car had the roof over it again. However, she reflected, doing this was probably futile considering they were all soaked anyway.

Mike turned her way and nodded, "Thanks, shotgun."

Kitty nodded back and stayed up front, turning and sitting on her knees to face her best friend. "You okay?"

"Hm?" Amy looked slightly dazed, then Kitty saw Micky working on her neck. "Oh, I'm okay, thank you."

Kitty nodded, then turned while shaking her head, _I bet you're more than okay..._ she thought with a small laugh.

The creepy organ music came nearly to its loudest point when the gang pulled up and into a long, winding driveway up a high hill. Mike crept the Monkeemobile along so as not to go off-path and clear off the hillside into a revene almost 10 feet down. Wolves howled in the distance, thunder clapped and lightening flashed, and it made for a most frightful scene.

"Man, are you guys playing a gig or are we visiting Scooby Doo?" Kitty snorted incredulously.

And then there it was; on top of the hill sat a large, black brick-and-moartar house with what appeared to be two floors and a bell-tower smack in the middle of the top. The windows were framed in grey, the roof of black shingles. It didn't appear to have a soul living there...

"Well, no one's home, let's split!" Micky said with a nervous laugh.

"Not so fast there, shotgun," Mike turned the engine off and the rain, suddenly, stopped. Matter of fact, everything stopped, even the creepy music. "I know it's creepy-lookin' and this Daphne Hooper character is weird - but it's a gig and it's $1,000! That'll pay the rent and keep us fed for awhile!"

"But what if we don't make it out alive?" Peter asked.

Mike rolled his eyes, opening his door and making it known he wasn't discussing this nonsense anymore. "C'mon, guys, let's get the instruments."

The others, as well as Amy and Kitty, got out of the car and helped the guys get their instruments. Then, all trudged up to the door and found the doorbell, which was the type with a rope pulley that hung down.

Everyone looked to the other nervously, except for Kitty who sighed and pulled the pulley. "Honestly, you guys act like we're walking into a horror movie."

"Maybe we are..." Peter intoned, sounding a bit cryptic. Amy snuggled up to him and he wrapped an arm around her, sticking his tongue out at Micky childishly over her head.

After a moment more, the door opened and in the doorway stood a 7 foot tall man who appeared to be related to Frankenstein's monster.

"Yoooooooooooooooou raaaaaaaaaaaang?" he bellowed in an impossibly deep voice.

"On second thought, no!" Micky exclaimed, prepared to hightail it when Mike caught his collar.

Ignoring the lump in his throat and the beads of sweat forming on his upper lip, Mike said to the large man, "Uhm, we're the Monkees, and we're here to play a gig. We were called by uh... oh what was the name...? Chalice Shooter?"

The large man looked at Mike with no expression, but one could tell by his silence he didn't have a clue who he was talking about.

"No? Uh, maybe it was... oh, was it Abby Looper?"

Still silence.

"Oh merciful heavens, who WAS that man with a woman's name?" Mike was now beginning to panic.

"I think you're talkin' about me!" came a rich voice from behind the large man. "'Scuse me there, Lurch," said the voice again as another, more normal-sized man came to the front. Normal was his size but not much more. This man wore a leather jacket over his all black attire, was pale with long black hair, and his eyes had all black drawn around them. "Hi, Alice Cooper, we spoke on the phone?" he held out his hand to shake.

Mike, somewhat relieved and somewhat surprised, held his hand out and shook Alice's. "Mike Nesmith, and, uh, the others are Peter, Micky, and Davy - and the girls are our friends Amy and Kitty."

Kitty couldn't take her eyes off of him. _Holy shit it's Alice fucking Cooper! _She exclaimed in her thoughts, but didn't allow her face to show her excitement.

Alice nodded to everyone in turn, then invited them all inside to dry out by the fire.

Inside was a wild, wacky household. Alice introduced them to such oddities as a hand with no other body attachments called 'Thing' and a hairy being that looked like the wrong end of a giant's mop called 'Cousin Itt.'

As everyone dried out, Alice explained what was going on, "You guys are here to play for my aunt Morticia and uncle Gomez. They just found out their yearly anniversary vacation to Transylvania wouldn't be possible this year, so I thought hiring a live band for a little party would be great for their anniversary!"

"Aw, that sure is sweet," Peter smiled.

"Yep, and the whole family's comin' to celebrate, too. I've got my cousins Wednesday and Pugsly getting the basement ready with Uncle Fester. I've already heard a couple of explosions so I think we're doing pretty good!" Alice smiled, almost a bit mischieviously. "Come on, I'll introduce you and you can set up your instruments!"

Once downstairs, The Monkees began setting up while being introduced to Wednesday, Pugsly, and Fester Addams. Wednesday was nonplussed about the band choice for the event, and Amy almost seemed to frighten her with her cheerfulness. Fester managed to coax Micky into helping him with electrical fixtures for decorative uses and of course being Micky he couldn't say no to a chance of explosions. Pugsly made a game of hiding Davy's maracas, then once he found them, re-hiding them just to see him get frustrated.

Kitty, in all the madness, had her eyes on Alice. Before long, he noticed her hanging back a bit and smiled as he walked toward her.

"Okay, so the impression I get is that Amy's with... Micky, is that right?" he asked as he jerked his thumb in their direction.

Kitty nodded with a tilt of her head, "Well yes and no. You see, she's... well... she embraced the thought of free love and, well, everyone gets a turn I guess you could say." She felt like an idiot for blabbering on, surely she could have come up with something less wordy

Alice smiled, nodding, "I think I know what you're talking about. So what about you?"

Kitty almost fell over, "Me? No she's not with me, at least not at the moment," she smirked a bit.

Alice looked intrigued for a moment then laughed, "Well I was talkin' about The Monkees, but that's pretty cool, too!"

Kitty blushed a little, _Geez, open mouth, insert foot,_ she thought to herself. "No, I'm not involved with a Monkee. I just harass them on a daily basis and unwittingly make them be nice to me."

"Aha, I see..." Alice grinned with a laugh. "Well, I'm gonna check on Uncle Fester... he's been quiet for awhile and that's never good. But I'll see ya around?"

Kitty nodded, "Yep, around. That's where I'll be."

Alice winked and walked away, looking for Fester.

"Hey, can you hold this?" Pugsly suddenly asked Kitty, handing her a bundle of rope.

"Uh, sure," Kitty replied, holding on as he began to walk away with the other end of it. Not long later, she rose with a sudden jerk and almost hit her head on a beam. Hanging tight to the rope, she knew if she let go she'd be a pile of Kitty.

Amy came up and looked up at her, slightly confused, "What are you doing up there?"

"Oh you know, just hangin' around," Kitty replied dryly. "You mind catching me?"

Amy settled below and caught Kitty when she landed.

"Thanks."

"So... I saw you talking to the infamous Mr. Cooper earlier," Amy grinned.

"Yeah, we talked for a bit..." a blush rose to her cheeks as she tried to pass it off.

"Oh come on! I know what's going through your mind!" Amy whispered excitedly.

Kitty's blush deepened as she grinned herself. "He's even sexier in person."

Amy squee'd as quietly as possible, nudging her best friend, "You never know, something may come of this."

Kitty snorted, "I doubt it, but it's sure been a trip meetin' him."

Amy shook her head but smiled as she saw Peter playing a card game with Thing and went to see how it was going.

The party turned out to be a great success. When Gomez and Morticia Addams came home that night, they were delighted with the surprise their nephew Alice had cooked up and put into action.

"You're a fine young man, yessir!" Gomez shook Alice's hand as he spoke around the cigar hanging from his mouth.

"Oui, very fine young man... tall, dark, handsome, and so lovely to his old Aunt and Uncle," Morticia added.

Gomez gasped, "Tish, that's French!" he exclaimed and began attacking her arm with kisses, making everyone at the party laugh.

Alice backed up and gave his aunt and uncle room for their affections. The Monkees played a lively number in the background as he walked through a myriad of different creatures and not-quite-human people. He spotted Amy dancing with Thing and laughed when he saw at least Micky and Peter looking quite jealous! With a smirk, he had to admit they might have some competition, for that hand was one of the best at doing what hands do!

But then he came to who he was looking for and made his way toward her. The lights were dim except for the few bulbs that Fester had programmed to blink weird colors once in awhile.

Kitty saw Alice coming and couldn't help but notice how good he looked bathed in red. _Dear lord,_ she thought, _he's been a terrible influence on me!_

"Hi," he said, smiling as he came to her side.

"Hey," she replied softly, "great party. I always knew all the freaks came out before dark... just didn't know there was such a variety!"

Alice laughed, "Oh we freaks LOVE this time of night... I'm just glad that the guys were so willing to do a gig so late," he said referring to The Monkees.

"They're good guys," Kitty nodded.

"Yeah... by the way, nice little comeback when Amy saw you hanging from the rafters," Alice laughed, "it was so natural. You should consider comedy."

"Eh, I only have a few good moments, really," Kitty replied with a shrug but smiling as she did so.

"Well, on the note of 'hanging out'... would that be something you'd be interested in doing sometime?" Alice asked with a sidelong glance at her.

"With you?" Kitty asked, then wondered why she would ask a dumb question like that.

Alice chuckled, "Well, yes, though I'm pretty sure Pugsly would love to play with you again sometime..."

Kitty blushed. "I'd love to," she said softly, looking up at Alice through her eyelashes.

Alice looked down at her and smiled, "Good." He bent down and kissed her cheek gently.

Her hand went to her cheek as her eyes met his. His face moved closer and she closed her eyes just in time for their lips to meet.

After the kiss, Kitty thought of something and smiled, "Though if us hanging out involves handcuffs and a guillotine, I'm all for that... just warn me first, 'kay?"

Alice laughed and couldn't stop for a moment, then wrapped an arm around her. "I'll be sure to, Miss Kitty."

Alice excused himself to go check on a few things; Amy met Kitty's eyes at this point and gave her a thumbs up and a mile-wide smile, which she returned.

"Hey, you guys care to back me up?" Alice asked The Monkees, handing them sheet music as he climbed up onstage.

Mike looked down and nodded as he read the words and the music, "Sure thing, let's go!"

The sound of Alice's very own 'Welcome to My Nightmare' began reverberating through the basement, causing the crowd to cheer, especially his very proud aunt and uncle. Kitty fan-girled inside and grooved outside, catching Alice's eye once in awhile and causing him to almost miss his cues.

So what had started out with a weird phone call and assumptions of drag queens and haunted houses, turned out to be an evening in... well, a haunted house with a shock-rocker and his charming, if not just a bit weird, creepy, cooky, mysterious, spooky, all-together hooky, Addam's Family.

**THE END**


End file.
